I've been watching a handful of TED talks the past few days (You can find a group of them on Netflix under Sex Secrets and Love) and finding a lot of very poignant ideas coming up in these talks that have been nagging at me for quite some time.
This talk, in particular, really struck a cord with me on a couple different ideas. For one, this woman is an anthropologist, a field I am going into. But, she talks about a topic very near and dear to my heart: love. This is also a topic I have been very bitter about for almost a year now. I won't get into the level of (ABSOLUTEFUCKINGSHIT) that my last relationship was, I'm sure I will touch on it in the future. But, ever since we officially broke up in August of last year I have been on a very strange, painful journey back to some semblance of "normalcy." I haven't been in a relationship since and have felt the emotional scars to such a degree that I've found myself full of a fountain of rage, depression, and even a physical nausea at thinking of any memories from that time in my life. To put it plainly, I was head-over-heels, he can do no wrong, in love with someone who was narcissistic, a sociopath, and a secret heroin addict. Oodles of fun.
I've had long stretches since where I thought I was over him, doing fine, on the road to recovery and all of a sudden an overwhelming sense of rage would surface. At first, I didn't put the two together, but more recently I've been trying to understand why certain things just "set me off" and I see red. I'm a redhead, I've always had a temper. But, this kind of rage is often frightening because reeling yourself in is almost impossible. This is what bubbled up from the wound he created in me, though. It is different for everyone. I suspect rage became the forefront of my emotions because in my emotional make-up I feel anger at the idea of being powerless, being lied to, and not being in control of my own life. With a relationship like this, I was greeted with all of those things.
But, this blog isn't about him, not really. It's about genuine love, about romantic love. It's the most important driving force in my life and I often find myself aghast at how it fits into our society..or more importantly, how LITTLE it fits into our society. I have looked at history and the fact that love has always existed in the crevices of art, popping up in poetry or paintings, in books or in dance. But as far as the social norm? You married for financial reasons, for blood-line reasons, for power reasons. You didn't marry for love. I have looked at this and thought "Is the idea of a soul-mate a new idea? Is it the result of feminism and only really appeared in the past 100 or so years? Or, have we only been able to chase love in the past 100 years because of feminism. "
For awhile I settled on this idea..that romantic love is modern. Until I listened to this woman's talk and started to dig deeper. Romantic Love isn't modern(and by romantic love, I mean the novel idea of being IN love with the person you marry/live with/consider your mate), love has been around since the beginning of time. PATRIARCHY is modern, Patriarchy is confining, and Patriarchy has been allowed to run rampant for a few thousand years fueled by the religious engine of monotheism. Upright humans (Homo erectus) have been around for 200,000 or so years. We were largely hunter-gatherer and nomadic up until agriculture came along. Prior to agriculture, women and men were equal. Women gathered, Men hunted...everything was shared communally, and while life was a lot simpler there were lessons to be learned from our ancestors. There were agricultural societies that held matrilineal ideas, in example, the Minoans and Celts...even the Norse, a very "male centric" pantheon had women who fought alongside men. But, with the rise of monotheism, a rise of domination began. I am not saying that the monotheistic religions began in this thread, I havent researched that enough. I know that, just in example, the idea of Jesus in Christianity goes against this patriarchal confining trend. HOWEVER, Christianity PRIOR to Jesus was very Patriarchal and very very brutal and confining. That leads to the question if Jesus was truly even meant to be a part of the old world idea of christianity or if he actually was a brand new religion and sadly got clumped into an old, vengeful religion. BUT THAT IS FOR ANOTHER TIME TOO! I'm not here to debate the historical fact of fiction of Jesus, or if Jesus based christianity is the same as old-testament christianity (two very different ideas, if you ask me. ) and I really don't want to get into my very long, sordid past with monotheism or how I believe it is slavery. That is for another time. But, what I am trying to explain is that women haven't always been less than men..equality is part of humanity and it is slowly coming full circle once more. It's fascinating how humanity is re-learning these ideas and how we have new obstacles to overcome as we explore (or re-learn) what it means to be human. What it means to have a PARTNERSHIP, what it means to love without restraint, or even more..what it means to truly LOVE.
We often find a power imbalance going the OPPOSITE way now with women becoming exceptionally strong and men becoming weak. This entire idea is actually rather nerve-wracking but a bi-product of feminism taking root. It works for some people, so I am not judging what works for others and doesnt work for me. But, I have always seen human partnership/romantic love (and I apologise for using gender specific/ hetero terms because I do believe this extends into all relationships no matter what sort) as being a yin/yang balance. Whether man/man, female/female, or male and female..everything must balance out. My perfect balance, and a very healthy balance for the average person is a 50/50 share. You do not have power imbalance here, everything is shared, everything is equal. We are working towards that, but as I said..with the rise of these "New" ideas comes new obstacles.
But, what terrifies me the most is the fact that so many..so so so many people I cross paths with appear void of love. They have a very strong "lust" drive, or often times a very strong "Attachment" drive..but they are missing romantic love. So many dont even believe in it. So many settle with someone they can be friends with (attachment) and live their lives never understanding how important to their SOUL health romantic love is. I've bumped up against this time and time again in dating. In men who appear amazing, who I enjoy their company and vice-versa, but who have no interest in a relationship, in love, and in anything more than sex or a friend. It is startling because many of them are in their 30s..I can't fathom being in my 30s and uninterested in some kind of partnership with another human being..that is vital to humanity. It doesnt mean you have to want kids or to be married,but just the companionship. I mean, what are you waiting for?
This terrifying fact has been thrown into my life over and over and I havent been able to come up with an answer as to why so many people discard the idea of love for material possessions and security, or simply don't believe in it. UNTIL I listened to this TED talk and two different points I have been thinking about conjoined into one solid idea. What is that? I mentioned the first part, but the second part is how SSRI's (basically anxiety/depression medications) have become like candy to our culture. I know this is very controversial and I have many friends on them. I agree completely that if you are in such a bad place you feel you are going to kill yourself or someone else, you need to take them. BUT, counseling, learning coping methods, and changing your entire life on the mind/body/soul planes is crucial too! Living on SSRI's, growing up on them (like, in the case of my previously mentioned ex-boyfriend who was put on them at the age of 3!) and worst of all, going a decade or more during a crucial time in your development from adolescent to adult...this isnt healthy. It is changing the natural chemistry of the body and replacing something so fundamental as love with a flat-line. As this disseminates into our culture, the web of humanity begins to become toxic and cancerous...If you arent able to love, your compassion and ability to relate becomes non-existent. Without these, we become a society focused on money and material possessions and void of the most beautiful parts of humanity. I am not saying that my friends who take these meds are the aforementioned..but I'm saying that a culture as a whole that is raised from an early age on SSRI's is a broken culture...
But, doesnt that sound familiar? Look at what children are focused on in the recent generations: Kim Kardashion and her entire family that is only popular because they have money, Pop music full of fake bodies, fake music, and no talent, designer clothes and obesity while most of the world is full of people who own one pair of clothes and dont know where their next meal is coming from.
I could write an entire novel on this, but I know I'm already getting long-winded.
To put it simply, watch this Ted talk and just allow yourself to think for a moment about the repercussions of a society that is void of its ability to love...Or think about how love and feminism and equality are a web that spreads out over the vast history of humans on this earth..how it is integral to growth and a successful society. Just...think.
No comments:
Post a Comment